Oooh, time use surveys are my nerdiest corner of census data! There are two trends that especially fascinate me. One is how the amount of time that mothers and fathers spend with their children has doubled since 1965 in the US and most European countries even as workforce participation rates have gone up. (The one exception is France, where mothers now spend much less time with their children and fathers spend significantly more time.) But my favorite part of time use data is when researchers ask the survey respondents how enjoyable they find each of the different activities in the day. “Play with children, childcare, and teaching children” are always near the “most enjoyable” end of the chart — far higher than “shopping” or “traveling.” (I’m mindful that many of the least enjoyable activities are also related to children: washing dishes, laundry.) This is especially true for men, who rate “playing with children” as more enjoyable than women (probably because they tend to do less of it!). https://ourworldindata.org/time-use
What does this have to do with the topic of your newsletter? I’m dying to convince my friends who are parents to send me a text message when they want me to play with their kids. Much like Seattle, there are waiting lists for camps and kids activities in the Bay Area too. So I tell them to text me anytime, and I’ll swing by and play some soccer or hide-and-seek (or water balloons!) or whatever with their kids. I genuinely find it fun to play with kids (like most respondents of the time use survey). I’ve even offered to make it a weekly thing — like I’ll swing by every Sunday morning to pick them up and take them to the park. But no matter how much I offer or try to convince, they just won’t take me up on it.
Finally, if you and Alex are willing to share, I’m curious why you’re the one to go to the PTA meeting. I’m also curious if you and the other PTA members have discussed what could be done to recruit more dads to the group? Often I find that a simple pro-active invitation and request that they help shape the agenda can go a long ways.
I agree the 'time spent with children' data is fascinating - I wonder what all is driving it? How much is due to us no longer having grandparents or any type of "village" to help out? How much is our own pressure and fear-driven high expectations to constantly entertain, schedule, helicopter? I admittedly struggle to enjoy playing with my children much of the time because I am constantly thinking about all the other things I need to get done... unflattering truth.
You're a gem for offering to spend time with your friends' kids. I think many of us are not used to / comfortable with asking for or accepting help, as much as we need it. I'm definitely working on it... bookmarking that podcast!
Alex has said he would go to PTA meetings. I have gone because I became friends with other moms who encouraged me to come. But I think he will go at some point :)
Getting to spend quality time with friends while working together on improving education in your community sounds meaningful and fun! My favorite memories with the Gs are from the days when we worked at soup kitchens. (Ok, not really, but how I’d love to work on something purpose-driven with those guys.) Maybe Alex can contribute in another way so that you can continue spending time with your friends?
excellent, informative, thought provoking piece! As one other rare working moms with a SAHD (rad), I can safely say that we need a better safety net and support for caregivers!
Oooh, time use surveys are my nerdiest corner of census data! There are two trends that especially fascinate me. One is how the amount of time that mothers and fathers spend with their children has doubled since 1965 in the US and most European countries even as workforce participation rates have gone up. (The one exception is France, where mothers now spend much less time with their children and fathers spend significantly more time.) But my favorite part of time use data is when researchers ask the survey respondents how enjoyable they find each of the different activities in the day. “Play with children, childcare, and teaching children” are always near the “most enjoyable” end of the chart — far higher than “shopping” or “traveling.” (I’m mindful that many of the least enjoyable activities are also related to children: washing dishes, laundry.) This is especially true for men, who rate “playing with children” as more enjoyable than women (probably because they tend to do less of it!). https://ourworldindata.org/time-use
What does this have to do with the topic of your newsletter? I’m dying to convince my friends who are parents to send me a text message when they want me to play with their kids. Much like Seattle, there are waiting lists for camps and kids activities in the Bay Area too. So I tell them to text me anytime, and I’ll swing by and play some soccer or hide-and-seek (or water balloons!) or whatever with their kids. I genuinely find it fun to play with kids (like most respondents of the time use survey). I’ve even offered to make it a weekly thing — like I’ll swing by every Sunday morning to pick them up and take them to the park. But no matter how much I offer or try to convince, they just won’t take me up on it.
I think you’d enjoy this week’s Death, Sex & Money with Ezra Klein where he and Anna Sale discuss how hard it is to ask for help when it comes to parenting and care work. https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/ezra-klein-death-sex-money
Finally, if you and Alex are willing to share, I’m curious why you’re the one to go to the PTA meeting. I’m also curious if you and the other PTA members have discussed what could be done to recruit more dads to the group? Often I find that a simple pro-active invitation and request that they help shape the agenda can go a long ways.
I agree the 'time spent with children' data is fascinating - I wonder what all is driving it? How much is due to us no longer having grandparents or any type of "village" to help out? How much is our own pressure and fear-driven high expectations to constantly entertain, schedule, helicopter? I admittedly struggle to enjoy playing with my children much of the time because I am constantly thinking about all the other things I need to get done... unflattering truth.
You're a gem for offering to spend time with your friends' kids. I think many of us are not used to / comfortable with asking for or accepting help, as much as we need it. I'm definitely working on it... bookmarking that podcast!
Alex has said he would go to PTA meetings. I have gone because I became friends with other moms who encouraged me to come. But I think he will go at some point :)
Getting to spend quality time with friends while working together on improving education in your community sounds meaningful and fun! My favorite memories with the Gs are from the days when we worked at soup kitchens. (Ok, not really, but how I’d love to work on something purpose-driven with those guys.) Maybe Alex can contribute in another way so that you can continue spending time with your friends?
Feeling this so SO hard. Thank you, Anna.
Solidarity friend! ❤️
excellent, informative, thought provoking piece! As one other rare working moms with a SAHD (rad), I can safely say that we need a better safety net and support for caregivers!
Thanks Kate. And yay for the rad dads taking on primary parent duties!