The Unique Value of Intergenerational Connection

How can we make cities more age inclusive in an era of increased isolation?

In Seattle there is a beloved daycare housed inside of a nursing home that has gained recognition for its innovative model integrating a preschool nursery with elder nursing care. At the Intergenerational Learning Center (ILC), children spend both planned and spontaneous time doing art, reading, cooking and other activities with the elder residents, which by all accounts, brings widespread benefits and joy to all involved. The program has been profiled in the Atlantic and even inspired a film (trailer below).

We lived less than a mile away from the ILC - “The Mount,” as it is affectionately referred to - and my children were on the waitlist for years but never got in; clearly there is appetite for this kind of age integration, with few options that provide it. One recent poll suggested that only about a quarter of Americans knew of a place in their community that brings together care for elder adults and children such as this one.

The Mount is one little intentional microcosm in a city that is otherwise not very age inclusive. I didn’t notice the lack of age diversity here in Seattle - or other cities in the U.S. - until I became a caregiver myself. Initially I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it, but after having children I was suddenly lonelier, and felt that so many of my previous activities were off limits. Even if you aren’t the kind of parent who is hyper worried about sleep and feeding schedules, everyone else is likely out somewhere that is not very inviting with a baby in tow. My social life became centered around activities specific to moms and babies.

As I became even more immersed in caregiving when my parents’ health declined, I began to think more about this, because I saw it on both sides of the spectrum. Children were welcome in specific spaces, like daycare and kid museums and playgrounds; elderly adults hang out at places designed specifically for them like community centers or assisted living homes.

You really just don’t see as much intergenerational mingling in public spaces the way you do in other geographies: more rural areas, but especially other countries. Now when I go out and look around, I can’t not see it: most public “non kid” places are filled with people that appear roughly between the ages of 20 and 50.

While I was feeling isolated at home with small children, my parents were isolated in their homes in different towns, both a couple of hours away. After retiring, they spent less time with friends and their communities became smaller. Interestingly, both seemed to experience cognitive decline just a few years after retirement - which can be exacerbated with social isolation.

The Benefits of Intergenerational Relationships

There is a certain magic that happens when young children spend time with older adults. Elders often have more time and patience for children, and can be more present to spontaneous conversation, teaching and knowledge-sharing of a different kind than children may get form their multitasking parents. Likewise children can be funny and joyous to older adults, and can help combat loneliness and boredom. As the video above beautifully demonstrates, even with simple everyday tasks, elders and toddlers have to figure out how to meet each other in the middle and pool their abilities in a way that builds character and understanding.

I can’t help but think that this type of contact across generations also helps us to keep historical perspective that goes beyond what we can read in written accounts. There is something remarkable in hearing your grandparents tell stories about another era, or watching a five year old teach grandma how to use an iPhone. In each case, the learning is going in both directions and minds are opening.

There is indeed research showing that participation in programs like the mount and engaging in meaningful cross-age relationships decreases social isolation and increases older adults’ sense of belonging, self-esteem and well-being, while also improving the social and emotional skills of children and youth participants. Anecdotal stories from the intergenerational programs that exist abound with heart-warming stories of positive impact on people’s lives. ¹

Why Are there less opportunities for multigenerational contact?

Geographically spread families and fewer multigenerational living arrangements surely does not help create opportunities for age-diverse relationships. But there’s more to it.

In U.S. cities the cost of housing has become largely prohibitive for families, and there is evidence that expensive cities tend to have fewer children. They are not designed for outdoor social interaction the way many European and Latin American cities are. Many American cities have been designed for cars to get from point A to B, not for kids and families to walk outside their homes and connect with each other. The classic public squares in many other global cities are conducive to a mixture of kids playing and adults hanging out, without the interruption and safety issues that cars pose.

Despite the fact that our cities have not become objectively “less safe,” children in the U.S. have less independence and play outside on their own far less. I can certainly remember grabbing my bike and taking off for the day, or going out into the neighborhood to find the pack of roaming kids, only to come home many hours later, no big deal. Kids don’t do that these days, and if other kids aren’t doing it, it’s hard to get your kids to. Things like increased screen time, parental anxiety and over scheduling are said to be driving this, and all of it is linked to the increase in mental health struggles among youth today.

I’ve come to see increased age segregation as another way in which our culture exposes its true values and priorities: public spaces in US cities have been made and maintained for those who are in their prime working years; active contributors to capitalist production. Those in a life stage of dependence rather than efficiency are not prioritized, they are tucked away.

How can we bring intergenerational mingling back into our modern lives?

My children admittedly don’t have much contact with elders, especially these days. Most of their time is spent with us and other adults and children our ages. How do we fix this - or can we? Not all children can go to school or daycare alongside elder adults. Physically and culturally, U.S. cities and the people who live in them are not going to shift overnight.

Some cities have gotten more creative about helping parents get out in public more with children. Cities in Spain and Portugal are known to have playgrounds stationed right next to outdoor seating areas of restaurants and bars - a game-changer for parents. And in the nordic countries, parents simply leave their babies bundled in the stroller to nap outside when they pop into a cafe or restaurant - something that would get Child Protective Services called on you in the United States. Portland is somewhat unique in the U.S. as it has a lot of pubs that are very kid-friendly. Parents get to eat and drink microbrews while the kids go to town in a play area designed just for them, but within a line of sight.

But its not just about providing a place for kids to play while mom and dad (and maybe grandma) get a drink or a meal in peace. Little interventions in how cities and businesses are designed can have a big impact, but they have to go beyond restaurants and or a single innovative care center.

Religious centers may be the most reliable places you will still find age diversity, and I’ve often wondered how this type of community could be created without organizing around religion. Public parks and community centers can be leveraged for age-inclusive programming. There are ideas out there for what purposefully designed intergenerational communities within cities and housing could look like, there are just few existing examples so far.

There are other small ways that cities are creating opportunities for connection. The French Postal Service has a program where postal workers pop in weekly to check on elderly people, and share reports and photos between them and family members. A Dutch supermarket chain introduced slow checkout lanes for elderly shoppers who aren’t in a hurry and want to have a chat.

These ideas may seem “inefficient” in our era of hyper efficiency and cost-saving measures. But in the context of a loneliness epidemic that is impacting our health, maybe it’s not so inefficient after all.

What do you think - Do we need more intentional intergenerational connection? Do you have other good examples? Is this missing element specific the U.S., or am I romanticizing other cities and cultures? Share your thoughts!

1. See the Generations United Report 2018 for more data and poll results